31.

look older than I am. Po Patsy's dress, though appropriate for my age actually looked juvenile on me.

Just as I was astonished, Mother and Patsy were too. Of course it was to be expected that I would look better, but no one could have expected the wholly feminine appearance result- ing. Lots of it came from my hair but beyond that I looked well too. Body, legs and arms were in proportion--in fact, better than Patsy's gawky adolescent look. So instead of laugh- ter and joking Mother and Patsy could be nothing but compliment- ary. Mother appeared baffled the whole afternoon, but Patsy was delighted. How did I feel? Honestly my emotions were so mixed that I can't even today, sort them out clearly even though I re- member them as though it were yesterday. Perhaps that clarity

1

of memory is the best criterion.

It was a strain--the clothes

did feel so strange, and I was embarassed though I don't really know why and was stiff as a result.

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After a time Patsy said that she wanted her Mother to see me and suggested that we go over to her house. But Mother put her foot down as I was not ready to go outside. Patsy phoned her Mother to come over but she couldn't at that particular time but did say she wanted to see me another time. Patsy stayed that afternoon till time for dinner and left me wearing her things saying she would pick them up later. Mother and I then had dinner with Mother cautioning me to be careful of Pat- sy's things. Right afterward, of course, I was put to bed.

Next morning while Mother was combing and arranging my hair she asked me a number of questions about the day before. I hadn't actually minded the clothes--really in a way enjoying their novelty. I was most fearful of the appelation "sissy" if the event became common knowledge. However, to offset that it occurred to me that since my hair was so terribly "sissy" the clothes were in reality a help.

As usual I stayed in bed till noon. Mother, in addition to her other duties washed and ironed Patsy's underthings and then packed the whole outfit back in the box. Patsy, arriving after school wąs very positive in expressing disapproval when she found me wearing my own clothes. I couldn't then, and never have been able to understand her attitude. She was responsible